The things i cannot change...

This just in: my best friend is a sexy beast!
Just LOOK at her!

In other news, I've been attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings for the past few days. Admittedly, it is somewhat uncomfortable. But it gets easier every time. And the experience is more beneficial than I thought it would be. Sure, I'm trapped in a basement(/giant ashtray) with 20 people all old enough to be my parents. Many of them old enough to be my grandparents. But seeing them all here, and knowing what horrors alcohol has caused in some of their lives... it's a very sobering experience (no pun intended). Hearing their stories has lead me to look more closely at my own experience. And after assessing my behavior with alcohol through the past three years, I was taken aback. Realizing how much and how often I'd been drinking (and knowing that, if I'd had my way, it would have been more, more frequently), and recognizing the lengths I've gone to in obtaining liquor, I consciously thought what I've always joked about: I'm an alcoholic. Thinking back on all of the nights at the fruitport house, sitting alone downstairs with a season of The Office (scrubs, weeds, planet earth (thanks to megan (sorry megan))) and a bottle of captain (jack, castillo, heavenhill, popov, smirnoff) Val and Keith asleep upstairs hours ago, but I wouldn't sleep until the bottle was gone....

Now, when I sit around those tables, and I speak the words "My name is Kyle, and I am an alcoholic"
I'm not just playing along.

Alcohol has contributed to every major dilema of the past year: Arrested in Yosemite shortly before being fired, being fired from red robin because i called in--drunk--at 11:30 am, arrested for drunk driving, arrested for stealing booze--even though i honestly didn't intend to drink it.

I haven't been drinking since the driving arrest. I HAVE had a few drinks on a few occasions since then. I HAVE been drunk since then. But I've been doing well overall (and in comparison to a couple of months ago).

That doesn't mean i haven't wanted a drink. I HAVE wanted to go out and finaggle myself some rum. But i haven't.
What stopping me isn't my iron will. It's fear of falling further in this hole i've started digging for myself.

....Ugh. i need to stop at some point. This is getting rambly, and my punctuation is becoming inconsistent. 4:24am

At least my best friend is still gorgeous.
(ha... sorry to have your pretty picture forever associated with the contents of this blog)